Distractions
by iloveromance
Summary: She thought she was over him. Not even close. (Episode: "Real Deal")
1. Chapter 1

She stood in his office, staring at him in bewilderment. It was obvious that something was wrong. It had been much too easy to simply walk through the door and blurt out her question. And even after she did, she wondered if he'd even realized that she was there.

He was sitting in his plush leather chair, his fingers tented against one another, staring into space. And Will Gardner was not a man who liked to sit around and do nothing. Yet, there he was….

And she was worried.

"Are you all right?"

Slowly he turned his head toward her, his gaze meeting hers. "Am I? Yeah, why?"

"Well, because I asked you what you thought about my idea for this deposition on the Collins case and you said _yes_."

He chuckled. "I'm sorry. I was just… distracted." He paused and regarded her carefully. "I'm… Life is complicated, isn't it?"

She smiled and nodded. "Definitely."

"I don't know what I want and I always know what I want."

Her eyebrows rose at his strange words. She'd never heard him speak this way before. "Is this about work?"

"No. It's… never mind. It's not important."

"Okay, if you're sure. If you need anything…."

"What I need is a friend." he said bluntly. "Someone I can get a drink with, and tell things to."

She was momentarily stung by his words; for the two of them had done just that on numerous occasions, not only at Lockhart/Gardner but long ago at Georgetown as well.

"I'm your friend." She blurted out without thinking. She sounded almost… desperate.

"I mean a guy."

The clarity didn't make the sting any less painful. In fact it was even more so. "Oh… Right."

Her face must have registered hurt because his expression softened. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

She nodded. "I know… I'll just leave you alone. I didn't mean to pry." She was about to walk out of his office when she heard;

"She has a date."

Slowly she whirled around. "What?"

"Tamara. She has a date. With a South African soccer player."

Alicia swallowed hard, trying not to look at him. To look at him would remind her of how handsome he was and how gentle his touches were. Instead her gaze went to the window where the Chicago skyline was cloaked in grey. "What does that mean, exactly?"

He sighed deeply. "It means she broke up with me. We're through."

Her heart went out to him and she gestured to the chair next to him. "May I?"

He nodded. "Sure."

She sat down and put her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, Will."

"Me too."

"You really care about her, don't you?"

"Well, yeah. I mean…"

"I'm sorry. This is really none of my business. I don't mean to pry."

"You're not. I'm just…" He rose from the chair and went to the window, staring out at the greyness. "I don't like this feeling. In fact, I hate it."

"What feeling is that?"

He sighed deeply. "Of being alone. I hate it. It feels like she's been gone for years and it hasn't even been twenty-four hours."

Knowing how dangerous it was, she was overcome with emotion as she went to him and slipped her arms around him, the way she'd done countless times before. But the gesture seemed to surprise him and he squeezed her back briefly before letting go. "What's that for?"

"To let you know that you're not alone. I'll always be here for you."  
He nodded. "Thanks. That means a lot to me."

Not one to be swayed by his so-called distractions, she hugged him again, tighter than she intended. But this time when she tried to let go, he made no attempt to draw back. But she knew that they couldn't stay in this position forever, and so she reluctantly pulled away. "Well, I'll let you go. I have some work to do anyway."

She turned to leave a second time when she heard his voice again. "I kept my promise."

"What promise? You didn't make any-."

"To Tamara."

"Oh, right. What promise was that?"

"I didn't fall in love with her. I told her that I wouldn't and I didn't. She told me that she would leave me if I ever did, but I didn't."

The way he kept saying it over and over as though he were trying to make himself believe it tore at her heart. He was in love with Tamera; there was no doubt in her mind. He loved her. She could hear it in his voice.

This time it was much too easy to let go of him and walk out the door. He didn't even seem to realize that she was gone.

And that hurt her even more.


	2. Chapter 2

The days turned into nights and suddenly almost a week had gone by. It wasn't (nor had it ever been) her intention to avoid Will. He was, after all her boss and it definitely wasn't easy to dodge his presence by rushing around corners and putting off things that needed his attention. She just couldn't deal with him at the moment. Perhaps it was selfish and maybe a little immature, but she just couldn't do it. She didn't want to cause him anymore discomfort than he was most likely already feeling. She knew that feeling of losing someone that she loved. And she wasn't stupid. She could tell that he did love Tamara, even if he wouldn't admit it. And she knew full well that he wouldn't.

But finally she knew that she could keep up the charade no longer. She went about her business, flipping through docket pages, trying to use her own judgement to fill in the blanks. However, the effort was completely pointless because it took a man of Will's caliber to provide the answers; answers she would never have.

In the boldest of moves, she headed for his office, prepared to explain why she'd been avoiding him for so long. He knew her well enough that she didn't have to lie. She could tell him the truth. She was jealous. And he would understand. For she knew that he had felt the same way, most likely always would as long as she was married to Peter.

It was unavoidable. A man didn't just forget a woman he'd slept with more times than she could count. Or at least, a man such as Will Gardner. He never forgot anyone, ever. Even when she wished that he would.

But the moment she reached his door, she stopped in her tracks. He was in his office, sharing a passionate kiss and embrace with Tamara. The kiss made Alicia feel dizzy and she pressed her hand against the hardwood edge for support. Clearly whatever problems that Will and Tamara had encountered were over and the fact that she was there meant that the date with the South African soccer player hadn't gone well at all; if there even was a date.

She turned away, determined to hold in her tears and walked back to her office, the deposition completely forgotten. But she couldn't get that kiss out of her mind. And no sooner had she sat down at her computer, the tears fell onto her cheeks.

What made her think that she and Will could actually be what they were? That he could love her unconditionally? It was true that she couldn't do the same but she knew that if they just talked things over, something was bound to happen. They'd been through so much together; they'd been through college together, something that most people could never attest to.

She stared at her Georgetown diploma that hung proudly on her wall, remembering the first time she'd met Will, at the pool party. The memory made her smile, but then pained her heart.

She wanted him and she knew that wanting him was not only wrong, it was impossible.


	3. Chapter 3

She stood in the kitchen, absently stirring the pot on the stove. The aroma of spices and herbs wafted upwards, mixed with the smoke and steam.

 _I kept my promise. I didn't fall in love with her._

His words resounded over and over in her head until she could hardly take it any longer.

"Mom!"

She looked up, startled at the sight of Grace, who was standing in front of her, watching her with concern.

"What?"

"When's dinner going to be ready?" Grace pleaded. "Dad wants to know and so do I. The smell is driving me crazy."

Alicia's smile faded. She couldn't believe her ears. "What are you saying?" she demanded. "That you don't like my cooking?" She had no idea where the words came from but once they were out of her mouth there was no taking them back. And Grace was rightfully caught off-guard.

"Um, no. Not at all. I'm saying… I'm starving, Mom. I love your cooking. Especially your spaghetti."

The sense of relief Alicia felt was overwhelming. "Oh… I'm sorry. I just-."

"What's wrong?"

Alicia shook her head. "Nothing. Just a long day." It wasn't a lie. Not really. But it did the opposite of what she'd intended. Grace walked over to the counter and leaned against it, obviously planning on staying for a while.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

That Grace; always the intuitive one.

"No, not really." Boy that was an understatement if Alicia ever heard one.

"Why not?"

Alicia became agitated. "Grace…"

But her daughter was unfazed by her mother's tone. "That's what you always ask me."

The agitation melted away and Alicia hugged her daughter. "I do, don't I?"

"Well…?"

"Dinner's ready. Go and get your dad and brother."

Eagerly Grace left the kitchen, calling loudly to Zach and Peter, making Alicia flinch at the sound.

"DINNER'S READY!"

In just a few moments they would all be sitting down to diner as a family.

A family…

 _Family…._

That word had come to mean so many things to Alicia; Hope, Happiness and The Future.

Wearily she slumped onto a bar stool and sighed as she poured herself a glass of wine and drank it down in one gulp. And then she poured another, choosing this time to sip it slowly. But she was no longer thinking of her husband and the family that she already had. She was thinking about Will. And she couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking about her too.

God, she hoped so.


	4. Chapter 4

She came into work feeling confident but a little nervous. Nothing had happened between her and Will. Not really. It was just a simple conversation between friends. But she couldn't help wishing that there had been something more. Will needed a friend and she _was_ his friend. She would be there for him no matter what, even if it meant helping to push him into the arms of another woman. If he loved someone else, really loved her, then all Alicia could do was support him. She would be his friend forever, even if she couldn't be the kind of friend that he had in mind.

She loved Peter and would always love him, even as much as she denied it. If she didn't love her husband, then she would have never agreed to let him move back in. It was strange, having him living under the same roof again. In her apartment. _Their_ apartment. She would always love him, no matter what. But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

Her heart pounded while she moved about her office, gathering files (or at least pretending to), that pertained to her latest case. A thirty-two year old rape victim was suing her already imprisoned attacker for an unprecedented amount of money, to punish him even further, not only for the rape itself but for custody of the child that was conceived as a result of that rape.

Most women would have simply given up the child for adoption or worse, terminated the pregnancy, not wanting a child of a violent act to have to go through life knowing that they were not conceived out of love. But this woman was different. She was determined to keep her baby, no matter what. It was a brave decision for someone who had been through such a traumatic experience, but it made Alicia shudder just the same, thinking of how horrific the case really was.

A man performs one of the most violent acts imaginable on a completely unsuspecting woman and shattered her innocence (even if she wasn't a virgin at the time of the rape) and then gets custody of the baby? It was enough to make her physically ill. But she couldn't think about her client right now. She couldn't. the only person she could think about was Will Gardner. She tried to forget him, the conversation they'd had less than two weeks earlier, but it was becoming harder and harder as time passed.

No. This was wrong. This was so wrong. She and Will had been through so much together but they were through. They both knew that their relationship as lovers would never last. He had Tamara and she had Peter. That was how it was supposed to be. But she didn't count on the fact that Will had suddenly found that he was single. It was easier when she knew that he and Tamara were together. When he wasn't single it was easier for her not to feel this way.

In one fluid motion she rose from her chair, forgetting all about her client and the disturbing case; the one that she should be working diligently on. The court date was just days away and there were still so many things to do.

But at the moment she had more pressing things at hand.

She hurried to Will's office, her heart anticipating what might happen when she arrived. Her hand poised on the door she pushed it open and-

Disappointment sank into her as she froze at the sight. "Diane…"

Diane turned around, revealing an expression that Alicia simply could not read.

"He's not here." Diane said simply, as though answering a question that had yet to be asked.

Alicia stepped back, suddenly feeling like an intruder. "Oh… Well, do you know when-."

"He left about ten minutes ago." Diane explained, answering another question that had not been asked.

"Oh…"

"He looked upset but he wouldn't tell me-."

Alicia's heart sank even further. She should have known, should have been able to tell by the look on his face. The way he'd tried to convince himself, more than he was trying to conceive her that she had, against his wishes, falling in love with Tamara. And once again Alicia's tears became harder to fight.

"Okay." She said, willing her voice to remain steady.

Diane's eyebrows rose. "Alicia…" she began slowly. "Do you know why…"

"No." Alicia whispered. The word was a lie and she wondered why she'd found it so easy to lie to a woman with whom she trusted completely as a superior and a friend. It certainly was no secret that Will and Tamera had been an exclusive couple, so why should their breakup be such a taboo subject? He hadn't told Alicia not to tell anyone.

But this was different. It felt different; as though telling Diane about her earlier conversation about Will in which he'd confessed their break up would be equivalent to breaking his trust. And she would never do that. She cared about him too much.

"Alicia, are you all right?" Diane was asking now.

"Yeah, I'm just tired." Alicia replied truthfully. "I should probably go home. I can work on this stuff there."

Diane smiled as though it was the most natural thing in the world. And for Diane Lockhart, it was.

"All right." She said after a brief silence. "Drive safely."

Alicia turned on her heels and headed for her office to pack her things. She would definitely drive with the utmost of care.

She had a visit to make.


	5. Chapter 5

Wearing her heart on her sleeve, Alicia rang the doorbell to Will's apartment. But to her dismay, she was met with silence. She tried again and again, her worry increasing with each breath.

"Will, please!" She pleaded, pounding on the door. "Open up! I know you're here! I saw your car parked out front in the parking lot! Please! I have to know that you're okay!"

The door opened suddenly, revealing his handsome face, but he wasn't smiling. The sadness was still there, even as he tried to hide it.

"Will…" She said, almost melting at his feet with relief. "Are you…"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just taking a nap."

Worry flooded through her and she looked at her watch. "At this time of day? Will, what's going on? If this is about Tamara-."

He turned away and crossed the span of his large living room, plopping his body down on the sofa. Now she was even more concerned. She gestured to the empty space beside him and then sat down when he nodded.

"Will…" She said quietly. "I'm sorry about Tamara. I-."

"This isn't about her. It's about you."

His words caught her off-guard. "Me? But-."

"I miss you, Alicia. I love you. I need…"

She swallowed hard. "A friend. I know. You said that. Like a guy friend. I get that."

He turned to her, his soft hand reaching out to caress her cheek. "No… I need you, Alicia. I want…"

She shivered at his touch, covering his hand with her own. "What?" She whispered, wanting so badly to kiss him. "What do you want, Will Gardner?"

He was staring at her now, his eyes pulling her in. "I want…"

But she wouldn't let him finish. She couldn't. Suddenly she wanted him more than she'd ever wanted him; or anyone in her life.

Their lips met in a fiery kiss and he wrapped his arms around her. They fell against the sofa cushions, kissing as though making up for lost time. And nothing had ever felt more right.

"Will.'' She breathed, arching her head back as he trailed kisses from her mouth to the hollow of her neck. Her trembling hands found the buttons of his shirt and began unfastening them one by one. And when his shirt was open, he quickly removed it, never taking his mouth from hers. She followed suit with her own blouse, revealing a soft, lacy camisole. Immediately he reached out to brush his fingers against the satiny fabric.

When she shivered, he kissed her bare shoulder. "Are you cold?"

"A-a little." She admitted.

"Let's go into the bedroom." He whispered.

"Okay…" She replied, her mouth against his once more.

Their lips barely left one another as they made their way to his bedroom, where all of their thoughts and concerns dissolved, leaving only their love for each other.

And it was enough. It was more than enough.

Alicia didn't know what the future held in store for them, but right now Will's love was more than enough to carry her into the near future, which would no longer be filled with distractions. He was here, right now. And they were one.

Always.

 **THE END**

 ** _A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews and for your kind words. When I began this story I wasn't really sure of where it was headed so I hope that you enjoyed reading it. In reading the reviews, I'm not quite sure if this story will live up to the expectations, for you all had some wonderful ideas, but I wouldn't dismiss the idea of a sequel sometime in the future. For those of you who have been reading since the beginning, thank you for your patience in waiting for me to finish it and again, for your reviews. They mean a lot to me._**


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